By: Khristine Dizon
The typing begun…
It was the first black out somewhere in Manila, Philippines on the month before the lock down was announced, for Covid-19. There was someone with me, our cat Lucky was wide awake, I felt his worry, and given my schedule back then, I worked from 9:00pm till 6:00 am; I can stay up till the sun shines. I just came back after a year of living on my own due the circumstances, it is safer not to live in a building. While Lucky was staring at a door near our living room, I was thinking of other topics to keep my mind awake. I talk to my cat, silly really; till– how about history, my idea seems something new… Then, I just started to daydream of my late grandmothers and grandfathers. It was them who knew about pandemics, since I know it is not the first type of Covid-19 It was past midnight, when it came to me that during my late grandparents time, they have natural cures. I grew up with them so I would know a thing or two about ginger. In time of hibernation as what I would always term it, another set of day, months– we don’t know; opted for me to write and try again after what happened to my first novel. While in the midst of worries, from layoffs and ‘if I will ever get back to my home country’; the sadness that most people feel at this time made me think of ways to preoccupy my mind.
This story is about a childhood sweethearts, she became a surgeon due to her family influence, her biological parents are both doctors who travels the globe. Her grandmother is a chemist and was a gymnast when she was still in school. The grandfather is a businessman and was an athlete. Her best friend Nate is a Filipino-Chinese with black belt in taekwondo, who got accepted in Shanghai, China for Martial Arts scholarship as part of his family tradition. The main character in this story was slightly traumatized, because of her first surgery, she traveled and settled in Florence, Italy, in a tiny apartment; but because of her grandmother’s trust, love and faith made her do the surgery with the help of the best doctors she can reach out to. It was a successful recovery and recuperation.
-Back Cover-
The day was young Raphaela thought, but the sky was too dark and the streets were full of light but the life she sees still isn’t enough. There’s something that kills my emotions, sadness always comes through. A strong wind blew, ‘it might rain in a few days from now’. She felt a sudden shake from the road, but no one from the street was moving, ‘there might be an earthquake soon’. She started to walk past the pubs and restaurants till she found her favorite spot, where she can get her favorite cup of espresso and churros. It was past midnight as she glanced at her watch, she took out her mobile phone, as she stared at it someone sent a text. ‘It is really time to go home’.
At a young age, since my parents were always out to work. I grew up with my grandparents. They took care of me while they were away. When I turned 16 my parents have to leave since there was a flu that’s been lowering people’s immunity. That time, it look like a game in which people need to make sure that their immune systems needs to be in full. At most days, I joined my grandmother with her hobby on herbs collection. The curiosity started when my grandmother explained about a virus, in which at times needs to be countered by another by another virus in order to kill the infection. When I caught a flu, when I initiated to clean the storage room for I have nothing to do. The cause was, I didn’t wait for it to be fumigated. It became noticeable when it became fever, my temperature never went down, after a couple of tylenol. As we entered the hospital, it is too crowded, there’s an outbreak of dengue fever. Though I didn’t wait that long, there’s a nurse who approached me with a form to fill and once done she took a blood sample from my index finger and check my temperature which was at 38 degrees. Then the result came out, and it is dengue. I was to be admitted in the hospital for I don’t know how long. It was just the start of the virus spreading. Even before I came to room, the nurse gave me an antibiotic through injection. It made me sleep for a number hours, I was awaken around 1:00 am. There was a note saying, that the doctor’s advice is for me to rest and they will be back in a number of hours with my clothes and some food. In case that I crave for something I can always call for a delivery. I stood up, and I saw the dextrose chord, so I pulled the pole where they hang it. I peek at the window, and saw that it’s dark. I usually see Nate’s window across my bedroom. I smiled at the thought of delivery, but at this time of hour, only Jollibee is open 24 hours near the area.
When the sun rises, I was awaken by voices and the doctor was there. He explained how the virus can spread and the bleeding that will happen even when I was able to maintain the platelets count. Which is the triggering factor to gauge if I’ll be alright or not. My grandfather is on the phone with my father, who’s a friend of his. He gave me the phone..
“Hello.” There is seriousness from my father’s voice it’s about the number of my platelets that is not supposed to lower down, the count of platelets needs to go up. When I heard him say that, I started to feel the fear of dying. I just kept saying to myself that I don’t want to die. I tried to reach for my tablet, I know someone’s waiting for me to send a message but I can’t seem to find it. I knew I placed it on the side table on my right, the dextrose was on my left, as I stare at my veins. It’s the antibiotic again, that makes my veins thick. For sure the next injection of vitamins will be painful to bear. It is not the first time I was hospitalized, the first was typhoid fever, which made me experience that excruciating pain from antibiotics and vitamins. Since it was injected directly to my veins. After that call, I told myself that It’ll be another set of numbers game and I’m not suppose to loose. My father is a general surgeon, with a specialty in Vascular surgery and my mom is pediatric surgeon. As I grew up, they always leave the country for charity work that lasted for over a year or so and they need to isolate themselves a few months before flying back. While I was in the storage area, I found boxes full of dried tea leaves from my grandmother that were addressed to my parents, but the date was months after they came home this year. They were in Chinese characters. Ren shen, Huang qi, Gou Qi Zi, Gan Cao and Dong Quai.
The 2nd night, one of my Aunt stayed with me over night but still at past midnight, I awaken and stood up to look for my phone. I don’t want to wake her up. I noticed that someone set up the internet for me, and I saw the device of Nate. The signal from my private room wasn’t too strong. I kept feeling someone online who’s waiting for me. I checked my device and saw a number of messages from Nate. He’s leaving for Shanghai, China. A male friend who’s into extreme sports, but at his age he was only allowed to explore, skate boards, roller blades bikes and surfing but he is really and was trained for martial arts. He noticed that I looked unwell, it was an abrupt goodbye for he always takes his bike to school, and lives in the same area.
On my third night in the hospital, I thought my grandfather was there since I saw a shadow that looks familiar but there was none. There was no person except myself. It was just the mirror. I stood up, pull the pole towards the restroom. It seems, it’s the thing that happens to woman on a monthly basis. I went straight to the restroom, to check. Afterwards, when I checked, I bled a lot. Lost of it. It looks like a lot of tomato juice. I went back to my bed, buzz in the nurse. Once the nurse came in. I was told to do so.
The 4th day, the hospital served me with “paksiw na bangus” but I tried the plain porridge but my stomach kept kicking for me to stop. Like it’s unacceptable. just want to take in more liquids and more liquids. Then they brought me “Chinese Fresh Lumpia” in the afternoon, I was surprised that I was actually taking it in. It’s one of my favorite even in Max’s, I always ask for their “Fresh Lumpia.”
I overheard my grandmother talking to my parents. She asked the doctor if my ability to bear a child is still alright, since it was during my menstrual cycle and it’s how the bleeding was. My cycle is starting to save me; for some it was through their nose. The doctor said that there’s going to be a challenge because the lining became thin due to the extreme bleeding. I just heard him say with a laugh I’ll be able to manage as long I get pregnant in China. My grandmother smiled and said that’s true. Our family doctor is a pure Filipino – Chinese and he said, that there is a way, and as long as she follows the dietician’s advice. A certain weight is required and not too much usual food that she’s used to in school. When my grandmother mentioned, that ’Nate’s mom brought you fruits and she gave us savory sticky rice with nuts wrapped in banana leaves, as you call it; with a grin on his face then he said ‘I’ll peel a few kiwis for you sweetheart’. The nurse visits me round the clock, if there’s something that needs to be replaced. She left with a smile on her face.
My grandparents take turns in manning their bakeshop where they sell tea cakes, just beside Nate’s family restaurant. There are days that the both of us go straight to their restaurant for lunch and where we can finish our assignments, since there are those science projects that we have to build but we don’t go to the same school. It was easier for us to let them know what materials to buy that same day. Those years, his father was always available to fetch us at school but after a few years he just needed to fly out for business trips. There was even a joke but we did go to Shanghai, China for a summer vacation, that made me see how fluent my grandparents are with not just Mandarin but it just felt like they once lived there. My father stayed a few days, he was very articulate too and my mother stayed for a week and is much more into Spanish language but how knowledgeable she was with Chinese herbs.
I finally went to school to submit the last paper due, my homeroom teacher was so concerned with what happened, they even tried to visit me while in the hospital but it was too strict that only close relatives can come in. They sent flowers and fruits, I sent them a letter of appreciation and asked Nate to hand it. She immediately mentioned my college application, letters came in but there’s 2 schools where my grandparent’s alumni that I’m interested in, both specializes in Biology and Chemistry. The essay I submitted has some questions, and those 2 schools will come by the week after for me to be interviewed and she said that they might ask me to tell more about it. ‘It must be history.’ For I really didn’t include it, an intention that I risk. The essay was about how I was a child, watching my grandparents do their daily routines and those things they were fond of. Then I started to smell a burger, glanced behind me and it was Nate with our color cheese burger. My packed lunch was a set of vegetables, steamed buns, pear and pineapple slices. I wanted to playfully grab the burger from him but I didn’t since I know there’s a possible relapse.
We went out for our lunch break, which will last for an hour, with a number of papers I need to fill in before the day ends. We sat on the marbled bench under the mango tree. Nate has to take additional advance classes for taekwondo to prepare for his scholarship in China. Our math and science project, complete! The both of us stayed there till the bell rang. You’ll see students walking towards the building for the next class. Nate alway’s A’s our computer subject, and it seems his interests. Then there was this book where I read a myth on “they said there are chosen people in the Chinese community by one of the three star gods with jack-of-all-traits which triggers for them to be considered as chosen.” Those porcelain figures that some children can be scared off. But my grandparents said it’s not a vast number of people who believe in those. Even for luck charms, they believe that there is luck in each child, separately given by the god. Those kind of myths are across religions. That made me pause and wonder about India, Japan and native Americans. When my grandfather left us with unfinished sentence, we look at each other and that story can be our next paper. We can ask my grandfather for help when it comes to references as well as my grandmother for books of medicinal herbs. Under the tree there’s a bench across the entrance door of our building, I started to remember that awful feverish day.
“I always feel sick at times of preliminary tests since I lack sleep and the pressure to not disappoint them, especially my grandmother but I always see to it that I get up early in the morning to make myself feel better, but not this time. After completing the last test, it felt something is wrong with my body this time. I can’t really, completely force myself to feel better. It was even necessary to motivate myself to pace a bit and make sure to find a seat outside the building where I can make a call for my grandfather to fetch me from school, that will only take a few minutes with traffic for the place where our house stands is just about, well almost just across the school. My thoughts started to trail-of;I noticed how fast it’s making me weak that wanting me to lie down and rest, but no I cannot. I put on my earphones and listen to Pat Boone, one of those artists that my grandparent’s listen to that I grew up to love Aside from the traditional Chinese musical instrument that is similar to a violin and Cielo. A memory made me smile a bit, when I shared a Japanese colored film that I got so fond of to my grandparents. I started to glance to my left, saw his car. I stood up and walked towards him, even when I do so he always and still steps out of it to open the passage door for me. And just when we were about to leave, I heard a tap on the car window. It was Nate, who just finished his finals. But he told me that they will be moving to Shanghai, China in a few months. As I sat beside the driver’s seat, he noticed that my eyes were burning and watery. He knew something is wrong. Once I reached home, I took a quick cold bath, my grand mother approached me to check my temperature, and ask me to take 2 tylenols. I fell asleep immediately but awaken by her, it was almost midnight when I check the clock on my side table. She told me that I need to be rushed to the hospital. It seems that I caught dengue fever. I didn’t change my clothes, and they prepared some extra in one of my hand carry bag. When I saw it, I knew I need to be admitted.”
One summer when we were invited to have a summer vacation Nate’s ancestry home. Excitement filled the room. The scent that the breeze gave was somewhat comparable to where we live. Their ancestral house named WuYuan is in Szechuan province. While admiring the architecture, I feel like I was transported to one of the old Chinese films. When Nate’s brother welcome us with Husky, they were brought along, same as my grandfather’s golden retriever. My grandparents were guided to their room and Nate and I is still standing underneath a tree which is at the center of the garden. When they opened the two sliding door, I gasped! It does look like from an old film, I saw smile from their faces. Then Nate, asked for my bag to guide me to my room which is the next. When I entered my room, the guest area furnitures are the same with my grandparent’s room. Intricate markings are on the shinny wood, as well as the porcelain tea cups. I saw this on tv and they are hand painted. I didn’t notice the time, till I a knock on the door. It’s Nate, said that the family meal is ready for us. When I stepped out of my room, I saw that my grandparents was ahead of me. I can actually smell the Chinese herbs in a soup that surrounds the place. It was a plentiful spread of dishes that they prepared, fruits at the side of the table, there were dishes that I am familiar with. Suan Ni Bai Rou and Liang Ban Ji; Kung Pao Chicken which is Nate’s favorite, Kao Yu, Jiao Yan Xia, Ma la Xiao Long Xia and Kao Ru Zu as well as picked vegetables, like cucumbers, mustard greens and bokchoy. The soup is a Long Chao Shou and Wuji Tang. The time went by so swiftly that we found ourselves doing our pair project for school, the listed topics that we have are Tibet, the Long Rice Terraces in Guangxi, China, the oriental pearl tower in Shanghai, the forbidden city from the Ming till the end of Qing dynasty in Beijing, the Leshan Buddha east of Leshan City in Sichuan Province, Terracotta Warriors that we first saw from National Geographic on cable which is located in Shaanxi province and the yellow river, the so called deadly river. Our favorite is the Terracotta Warriors, the story how they found it at this recent time, the rebuilding or restoration and the protective measures they build to preserve their history. It was a twin project as our teacher tagged it. We had some help from his father and my grandparents, for it is our entry for our school. Since we were young, for most science projects that were made separately, there’s always people who helped us, especially when we worked on it in Nate’s family’s restaurant. And so, each time we put a note for a project, and the summary of the procedure, how we made the photo documentations of days upon completion, it is shown in each word and image the help we receive from friends and family. Lastly was the history of drinking tea that started 2000 years ago, with that we had tea prepared for the audience and guests. After that project we became partners in each history and science competitions. Now as seniors it can’t be helped but to reminisce those times when it was about school competitions, fun and enjoyment as teens.
Back in the Philippines…
When the bell rang, as our class for the day is about to end, we stood up from the marbled chair under the mango tree to walk our way to our next class. There’s an additional subject that was required from us, to find our passion. Nate’s schedule is different, he still has 30 minutes to prepare for the Taekwando club in Ateneo de Manila. Nate got a text message as we walk towards our next class, and it was from his father, asking if he decided which school he would want to confirm his acceptance knowing that he nationals is nearing. With that, he instantly looked at me with an eye-roll and said, he needs to do advance reading and writing for simplified Chinese and Fokkien languages. I told him he can always go to our place when he studies and while his mom is out to check on their restaurants which always happens every week and I can ask my grandparents to check him. I promised him to swing by after my class. Since I missed a number of days for our English subject and have to submit the papers that was asked from me to be signed by my guardians. When I came home, my grandmother was preparing a tea when she said, that the news for the outbreak will be on by dinner time. I go to my room, to change to my house clothes and went back to the kitchen. The tea is for my mother, who caught influenza. My parents do come home to the Philippines after 2-3 years of charity work. At this time, we haven’t talk about the exploration they experience. Honestly, I don’t have any idea which country they were assigned to. My grandfather said that there are some charity work that my parents never tell much, they just have clues based on the health issues of people they encounter from the country. It is admirable to see them passionate on their chosen craft, taking care of people and children. Ensuring at the most guaranteeing their relatives that everything will go well. Never did I see them perplexed. At times, while seated in class I do wonder of what might happen in the future, I kept getting dreams with an image of my father doing what he loves the most, and receiving smiles from his patients but from last night, an image of an olden Chinese woman, with wooden tea leaves containers was counting using an abacus. I never saw my grandmother with it and almost forgot to ask her about it this morning. The dream still lingers and the thought she gave me during breakfast is still a mystery to me, but not all believes in it anymore. I was distracted from my thoughts when our teacher asked me to read some lines from a poem. My elective subject was about paintings, films and poetries.
Gleaming in solver are the hills!
Blazing I silver is the sea!
And a silvery radiance spills
Where the moon drivers royally!
Clad in silver tissue, I
March magnificently by!
-Washed in Silver-
By: James Stephens
19th Century English
Weeks went by and it was time for Nate’s flight.. He asked me not to accompany him for his fly out today and it’s 6:00 AM, I was in my jeans, chucks and a plain pink shirt. It was always around this time when we plan to have a vacation; embarking for relaxation as we term it. Seeing them walking towards us with their luggage, it’s saddening. They gave us a sign that they need to check in first. In a few minutes, Nate came out and went straight to us in his jeans, dark blue shirt and our favorite pair of converse with his back pack. He kept a smile on his face and gave my grandparent a kiss on the cheek. It was time for him to leave. After a week, it became lonely and there are some things that I need to complete in order to comply with my chosen university. Nate and I keep tabs on each other through an online game. We were talking about how we need to keep in touch. He left a present for me to my grandfather. A day after, he send an email with a photo of my present, a simple and plain swatch watch in black. Since last night Nate and I kept chatting online, for the stuff that he missed to unpack. Those books that are now late to be boxed in, told him that when I get the time I will ask my grandparents to help me out with those. But in case he felt that he just can’t let go of those books because of its sentimental value, we’ll keep it for him. Till I fell asleep on him, while our computer was on, when I woke up I saw her mother, waving at the camera. It was 4:00 AM and it was time for us to prepare. I heard a knock from my door, it was my grandmother. I let them talk for a bit online, while I prepare myself. When I came back, Nate was waiting for me as he sat on his study table facing his laptop all dressed up. We said our goodbyes then log out. Off we go separately this time. When the monitor starts to turn black, I started to stare at it because, this year won’t be the same without him. When, I receive a message in my Line app. “Don’t stare at the monitor that much. Don’t be late.”
I was invited to one of the universities here in Manila. As I patiently waited, Nate and I were exchanging messages and he was scheduled for an interview with one of the schools in Shanghai on the following day. Both of us are anxious for the days to come and we promised ourselves not to leave anyone behind. When I heard my name. I started to walk towards the woman who called my name in a black electric pleated mid-calf skirt and baby pink blouse. I am in a in a mid-knee pencil-cut and white long sleeves shirt with collar and pumps. I think I got the attire right. When I entered the room, I didn’t expect it to be a panel interview of directors. She guided me where there were men in glasses and that were just about my grandfather’s age. They all smiled at me and asked me to use the empty seat right in front of them. One of them was Director Lim, he smiled then Director Go said, ‘it wonders me each time I take camomile it does bring me to slumber, if after a meal my wife prepares me mint tea at some point when my mind is preoccupied with my work I do miss another routine that is very important for a human’s body’. I replied with a smile and said I am honestly not an expert herbs but regular consumption helps decrease chronic insomnia and helps you fall asleep quicker. When I read your application, and we have the results of the exam, we highly suggest for you to take chemistry. Dr. Lim said. The receptionist or their administrative assistant gave me an envelope and asked me to open it. I was surprised that I was considered and, saw the subjects that was suggested, when she handed me another paper, I glanced up. It was Director Lim, with a paper, who smiled at me again. The paper was handed to me, it’s an elective subject for chemistry and literature. It took away all my worries after reading the content of the paper. My grandfather was patiently waiting at Starbucks for almost three hours already with his favorite book by Charles Dickens. He smiled at me and I knew right then that he anticipated the results, since its the university that both my grandparents went to.
Nate left me a present, he even asked my grandfather to give it to me. He placed it on my wrist and said, it is better for you to wear it now and let him see it once we land in Shanghai, China. Both of them said, it looks good on me. Saw them whispering, that the chain is a three colored gold. We flew in to visit him after I passed the interview from the university that my they preferred. There were days that the time didn’t go by fast enough. My parents surprised me with tickets to Shanghai, China after a week of enrollment completion from the university that I accepted. They even suggested for me to explore the city for books about Chinese tea and medicines.
After a few weeks, they decided to come along.
The day finally came and we took the late afternoon flight. As we entered the terminal, the floor steward ask us he could take a peek from my grandmother of the small bag where another stainless bottle of tea was in and a small lunch box that I was carrying aside from my back pack where my laptop and a book was in, she nod with a smile, all of a sudden my grandfather stepped in and gave them a long envelope, the man open it and pull out a white paper. It’s the clearance for the tea that I was searching for. My grandmother glanced at me with a smile, it’s a letter from your father in case they ask about the tea. When he asked us to step aside and wait for a while, someone came over to him that looks like his manager. It didn’t last long, when we finally walk towards the plane to onboard. We finally landed when I heard the pilot’s announcement. We waited while the other passengers took out their belongings, and one of the flight attendants came to us to help. She handed us our bags, and was guided towards the exit. It is now a different country as we walk. When I saw people walking by, they were all white and ‘chinito.’ I was filled with excitement when we reached our end point, pulled out my tablet to check since my parents placed my sim on roaming. A number of messages came in and I replied. In a few seconds, we saw Nate and his father waving at us. He told me that his mom needed to stay at home to prepare dinner. Greeted his father as he took my back pack from me to carry as so as to my grandmother’s. I noticed that he grew a bit tall, while he walked beside me. I noticed how he glanced at my wrist because I was wearing the bracelet he gave me. As we headed for their house, which was where they really insisted for us to stay. It wasn’t a long ride, there’s a calmness with the breeze of air, the scent was completely different, must be due to the teas that grew that gives out a scent like home. While on the road Nate fell asleep, when I glanced at him, his father teased about it that he was awake the whole night. He was excited to see you again. His father told us that his flexibility in Teakwondo helped him a lot in transitioning to Kung Fu and his fluency with Fookien started to improve. His dad gave us bottles of tea that were stored in an iced thermal bag. He even told us how the result of his practice on his first few days were, they started with a par practice and he was truly grateful that he grew up knowing Tai Chi but it was the first time that his mother saw him so sore. He didn’t stop practicing each early morning once he arrived here and that Nate was the first one to be awake amongst us just to be at par and exceed the team. He just felt that there’s something missing from his training before flying to China but he didn’t disappoint them at all. They were impressed by how he fought back. When we arrive at their house, as we walk towards the entrance door we saw Mom stands waiting for us with a smile on her face.
And yet, after his first fight with the team, he stopped being online..
I was in tears walking toward the terminal, it is the end of summer; even with my grandparents, I can’t stop my tears from flowing, it does feel like I’m leaving a part of me behind. When my grandfather glanced at me and let me read an email from Nate, with a quote. ‘Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.’ Dr. Seuss. Nate is very close to my grand father. I saw the last note from my grandfather to Nate; “The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.” Lao Tzu
Years gone by…
I am about to complete my Doctorate, while observing practices in our University’s hospital. Months came, Nate flew in after a number of summer absences from me. It was after I shared a photo with my block mates. For most days it was inevitable not to be close with other people, and yet I miss him the most. No one knows me better than him, I became close to a Senior, because of a school project that we were randomly chosen as partners. Taking more than what is required on the subject was something I thought was needed for me to capture all the missing pieces from books.
I suddenly received an email that he’ll be in the airport tomorrow. There were some clues from my grandfather that they communicate, they are very close and seems he one of his grandson. I Didn’t notice that he was beside me already, Nate changed a bit. Still into shirts kind of boy, but the masculinity is something noticeable with his chiseled face and clean cut hair, now a bit taller than me still with a small pointed nose, clear skin but I could not help but smile at how much I forgotten how he looks two weeks after a competition. He instantly hug me tight right after my senses became aware of him. “He asked, why do you keep staring at me?” I told him, it just so happened that his shoulders became broader. While we walked towards the car, he grabbed my hand playfully to ask if we could get some take outs. His luggage seems like he’s back for good. My grandparents were patiently waiting by our main door. He immediately ran towards them right after we got out of the car. It seems like there’s still a boy in him and Husky, now older than we are, runs towards him. It does look like my family is now complete, that felt a certain sadness was instantly gone. One of our helpers took out his luggages, and I didn’t notice the red box with ribbons. He said his thanks to the driver for he almost forgot that he was placed in the front seat. It was for my grandparents, when he handed it to them my grandmother was teary eyed. They both gave him a kiss on his cheek and while my grandfather placed his arm on his shoulder while they walked towards the dining area, I walked beside my grandmother. He glanced at us before he sat at our dining table where his place has always been. Husky lay beside him showing how much he remembers and misses him so. He started with how much he misses our house. I sat quietly while they had a long talk about the adjustment he went through. Till they notice how quiet I was, I just laugh each time there’s a hilarious narration from Nate.
It’s a Saturday night, we stayed in and let him settle in our guest room where he always stays. My grandparents sleep early now but still awake at the same time as they always do. They left us at my grandmother’s garden with warm tea and fruits. When my phone suddenly lights up, it is silent each dinner time. He looked into it and it was Gareth, my project partner. He looked away just to make a face. He asked with a serious tone, if I like him. With a questioning look, I told him he’s just a school mate, and we only have 1 class together. But he’s been trying to have lunch with me, gave me a bar of chocolate when we need to work on our project at night and what I know is her’s dating someone when there was a weekend that we were supposed to do the final documentation, but he sent his past midnight while we were on video chat. He smiles, for almost two hours we’ve been talking about his and my adjustments that we don’t share to anyone. When we were about to sleep, we left a note on the kitchen table where my grandmother’s tea leaves container is so that we might not be up later than our usual time. The thought of Nate flying back is truly a happy thought. I changed to my running clothes after a quick shower and went straight to the kitchen. There were already teas prepared by my grandmother but there’s no one to be seen. Pacing around with my cup of tea, with cinnamon stick when I heard voices. As I started to walk out of the kitchen Husky came in, he used to wait by my bedroom door but I guess he stayed with his best friend. I placed the empty medium size porcelain cup by the sink. Walking past the dining area, the living room when I found them at the garden doing Taichi, Husky kept wagging his tail while he looked at them. When my grandmother glanced at me with a smile in my jogging clothes, I told them that it’s time for my run and I’ll bring Husky with me. Seems Nate has been up for some time, and looks like they went out for an hour or so for a run.
We decided to stop by their house and restaurant, both of which have been empty for years. As we started to open their accordion gates, he was surprised how clean it is. He looked at me with a questioning look, my mom asked your grandparents to hire someone to clean? I just nod and walk right past him towards their main door. As he entered the house, he said that it’s still how they left it, furniture covered with white cloth and the floor is squeaky clean. He went straight to his room while I waited by the garden, and came back with some books he left behind. We went straight to their restaurant, and just the same as they left it. The week he stayed, I let my professors at school and doctors at the hospital that I need to make time for a friend. My weekends are my most non negotiable days. While I’m at school, Nate helped my grandparents with the business. Some friends ask if he would do a garage sale, his parents don’t want to sell any of their furnitures at the moment. The restaurant will re-open in a month’s time. On his second night, my grandfather suddenly said “you two are inseparable!” On that same night, Nate prepared his famous dumplings, boiled pork, and black chicken herbal soup. He also, prepared cucumber salad and stir fry bokchoy and broccoli. It’s started to rain for the past few days, it does suit the weather. It was just a month stay and went back to Shanghai, China. He left me with flowers and a necklace with a jade pendant that matches one of the charms from the bracelet which he gave.
I packed my stuff trembling, Nate started to ignore my messages, but he never missed one from my grandparents. It was after he won at a match but got a left knee injury that was only seen when he had his x-ray. Also the time when I thought someone died on my table, it took the person 18 minutes before I felt him alive again and yet it was not successful. I didn’t know what to do, given that I have completed all the necessary and required studies, experience and certifications. A mere memory makes me want to hide myself. I decided to take a break, which my parents were completely against. For I started to be known as General Surgeon. I took the earliest flight to Italy, and just got the acceptance letter from one of their culinary schools and it took me 2 weeks to complete the course. It’s almost time to onboard, still there’s no message from him. I kept my tears bottled up till I was out of sight, for hours I kept it in since I know acceptance of failure is a must and some people in the medical field experienced the same but it was very difficult for me to do. I asked them to tell him, that I am requesting for him to remember how Jackie Chan recovered from all of his injuries. The anticipation is excruciating or is it my worry for grandmother? I asked myself silently while on air.
As I got out of the airport, unfamiliar people were seen, foreign scent surrounded me and gloomy winds passed. I hailed a cab for me to reach my end point, the streets were not the same, narrow alleys welcomed me and uncommon trees greeted me. As I stepped out of the car, took out my luggage and the bricks I stepped on somehow comforted me. The unfamiliar zone that I am in somehow helped me forget what I left behind but a part of me pushes for me to be reminded to accept and understand what I’ve been through. My room is just on the 2nd floor, not as spacious as I imagined it to be, but it’ll do. There’s not much time to rest, but I have to since it’s my first day of training later, at 8:00 AM. It is a new day I said to myself, taking my bag with my letter of acceptance for a baking school. Each time I check my email still Nate hasn’t replied, I decided not to send any from this day forth. There’s still some missing pieces within myself that I need to build once more.
I remember the time when I was out of Manila, Philippines. From the time I opened the window from my apartment till now, I can smell the sweet aroma of bread. I slipped through my kitchen uniform, its color reminds me of the doctor’s robes my parents gave me. When the bell rang, the restroom was just beside the room for my first class. I hurriedly went inside and sat on the first seat I saw which was by the corner of the door. I laughed at myself, it feels like I’m in the year when there’s not much responsibility. The professor came, I assume he’ll be addressed as ‘capocuoco’ I said to myself. In the middle of the class my name was called, he read the essay that I submitted to ask about the teas. I had to hold back the tears , I’ve been missing my grandmother since I left our house. He asked, what would I suggest if given a pastry with much sweetness, let’s say a non traditional ‘Buddino di Riso’. I just made a wild guess, which is something always being prepared by my grandmother with her non so sweet rice cakes. ‘There’s this black tea made out of Camellia Sinensis, and will add a cinnamon stick.’ He smiled and he thought I would suggest a fruit tea, I smiled back and said to him. It is somehow necessary to pair most sweet desserts with tea that has a bit of bitterness. I sat back, and took a deep breath. I am really not prepared for this, but the pressure of not knowing this diverts my attention.
While I was out of the country…
Everyday I send pictures to my parents and grandparents, from the picture that was sent by my father. I saw a big difference from my grandmother’s body. They came to Italy three months after I left home. They were happy with what I accomplished but I noticed the sadness from my grandparents. They even want to bring home some bread that I baked. I told them I’ll come home soon, but something worried me after they left. There’s something that doesn’t quite fit perfectly, something that I am not seeing, but I can sense it from a distance. I kept on praying, hoping that nothing might happen that no sickness will come to them but a part of me knows it is inevitable for their age for them to know and be aware of what they need more for their body. Days went by till it’s my 12th month’s stay but each time I came home, I found myself creating those steamed cakes my grandmother used packed as my lunch. Monday came when I was about to get out of my apartment when my phone rang, and it was my grandmother. She sounded sick, and told her to make sure that she drinks a lot of liquids, especially those teas that she always makes.
That there was a time when she had a match outside school, an off- the- country that caused her shoulder. She was told that once something hinders it again, it will affect her forearm that will opt her veins to react. She always wins competitions, but on that day she fought with fever, it was because of her stubbornness that even her coach didn’t get a hand on the decision. When I heard about it, I wanted to come home. Then her voice came through, my grandfather shifted his tone and said, don’t worry sweetheart. I put down the phone but there’s something more to what my grandfather told me. My grandmother always said when I start to lose my confidence, that the brain has a where in the chi and subconscious interacts that intertwines a certain and very specific energy that forces a person’s drive to be at its peak in achieving the goal. She also said that the heart at times is too soft that makes it too vulnerable to depend on. When a sudden memory came through, she used to take hawthorn berries, ginger or at times ginseng tea; sent a text to my parents and grandfather to make sure she takes it three times a day.
Since then, it was hard for me to focus. I kept thinking about my grandmother’s health. Everyday my parents keep me posted of each test she went through, the western medicines she prefers and hates, they even sent a photo of my grandmother’s sibling’s notes of a certain Chinese herbs that she used in fish head soup and as tea after the incident my grandmother went through. But each time I spoke to her, it felt like she was really pushing herself for me not to notice the certain change, she must be in pain. My thought was each time we put down the phone. I wanted to be there, I really do. The nights went by so quickly and for months I kept getting this dream of seeing someone who looks like my grandmother but I know she is not. I read books about dreams interpretation but I was taught that there are some meanings of an individual’s dream that aren’t written, the true description can be found within oneself. My grandfather felt that something was wrong so he went home without ending a meeting himself. When they reached the gate, Silver was waiting for him like he wanted to tell him something. He went inside the house, my grandmother was on their bed and Husk, her arms were on Husk’s body like our pet was giving support to something. As our samoyed was on her left side, resting her hand on his face while he sat on the floor. Our samoyed ran towards my grandfather when he saw him, then towards the table where her teas are untouched. He waited till she woke up. That night I received another call that she was admitted to a hospital.
It was my first Christmas Eve without them, the saddest day one ever had since the day I knew that my grandmother was admitted. After a week she was discharged from the hospital, but my father never wanted her to leave. She can still do her dishes, teas and daily exercise but she wasn’t allowed to move any object at all. They added another helper and a registered nurse to keep an eye on her daily. It felt empty on Christmas morning, I grabbed my coat in a rush to Santo Spirito, one of Florence, Italy’s churches to say thanks and prayer for my grandmother but a part of me knows that I have to go. When I went inside, after admiring its architecture, the calming effect of its murals came through, then I decided to walk around till I found the spot where I feel the most secure to pray.
At early dawn, I received messages from my father about the recent test results, with a note that even when she sleeps she was looking for me.
Dear Raphaela,
I do hope that you are fully prepare for your grandmother’s operation, we’ve spoken to the doctors that you’ve sent email to. They will arrive today and knows the medical history of your grandmother, your mother and I were able to request it from a hospital that she was taken after her gymnastics accident when she was 16 years old in Shanghai, China. They will reach out to you for a video call about your research for your grandmother. Enclosed in this letter is your ticket for MNL tomorrow. By now, you have your grandmother’s voice record letter. You’ll be recognized through your identification card and someone will pick you up. That’ll be tonight your time. The driver will show you a letter with a seal. It’ll be a chartered plane as required.
My hands a are a bit shaky because the doctors from Shanghai wants us to bring your grandmother to them after the operation. Which is feasible. The plane was arrange by a friend who’s willing to help you with this major surgery, He’s a Orthopedic & Reconstructive Surgeon which deals with severe muscle damage, nerve grafts, and soft tissue coverage.
Take care.
The immediate operation is needed once the relapse is needed. Since she was always a part of me. I am missing my chosen path, and for several months now. I’ve been revisiting my notes, what went wrong during my first operation. I stayed in the pastry shop, the patisserie opens at 3:00 AM. One of which I became friends with the chief chef where I always asks for a cup of coffee take – away. The scent of breads surrounds the area every time he makes bread. I told the chef, I’ll be leaving late tonight, and I will need a few of his sourdough dinner rolls because it taste like my childhood and a few of his Italian desserts that my grandfather will love. The same day when I got a call from Nate, saying that he’s in Florence. For months, he only communicates with my grandparents, never to me. I did give up on what we have, even our friendship. Since Nate never replied to my emails. It never really crossed my mind, but it was a question that for the first time my grandfather doesn’t have an answer to; as to why Nate became unresponsive to me. As I smiled while reminiscing how much excitement and love I felt for each family gathering we have. The small alley always seems bigger at night. The driver will be here in a few minutes, after receiving a re-confirmation on its arrival. I still took my time to peek by the window, to whisper in the air that It’s time to leave this place and truly grateful with the openness and acceptance I was given for 2 years even when there’s troubles, worries and doubts in me with a hope to see the same bricks I walk on, feel the same cold breeze, the same sweet scent and church bells with my grandmother soon. I recall how each month that passes, packing my stuff in preparation to fly back home. Yesterday the dream became substantial, when I received an email from my grandmother’s older sibling. She’s been in isolation for a long time and I only got presents from her, boxes wrapped in red with hand painted designs. The letter entails that she dreamt of me too, that says in case I need to push through with the operation, I have to prepare her tea. She’ll be in Manila in time for my grandmother’s flight to Shanghai, China. My tears kept sliding on my face while on my over 15 hours flight home, I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t even get out of my seat for the stop over but I had to check my emails, and saw a couple from Nate, my parents and grandfather. Nate will be at the airport, he’s been attending to my grandmother. And a letter from my grandmother, she started to speak in Fookien again, when I heard her native tone, I know something is wrong and it is difficult for her to express what she feels in Filipino. One of those signs is that what she’s feeling is something upsetting for her.
I found Nate by my exit, he smiled, gave me a hug then we took off and went straight to the hospital. They thought she stopped breathing for 15 minutes while I was on flight, there weren’t any symptoms that signals for me to fly in. It’s when Nate saw that mere smirk from my grandmother’s face that she was in pain again.
Nate was with us all the way, he needs to stay with my grandfather for support. They showed me the x-ray of my grandmother’s left arm; it’s the nerve that joins the elbow that was swollen but the critical one is her forearm. I told them that if it happens, it’ll be the most expensive surgery with the best doctors we can find. I suggested for a laser surgery, but one of the specialist said that there needs to be an immediate follow through. Each night for the past months, I kept studying my grandmother’s situation while I wait for my plane ticket. The detachment and isolation I have with Nate helped me to focus but after that message that he was in Florence and when we talked about the situation in the family, what can happen in a few months. At some point during the conversation, the assurance he gave, helped a lot. The day after, I gave a heads-up to my chief about the situation, and a part of him feels that it was just a phase that I must go through since he believes in ways how people have to learn something more than what the expectation of others. Then he said, that not all surgeons have successful operations. He himself had that experience of lost and now is the chance to prove myself again. It felt like forever before we finally parked the car and went inside the building. My father met me on the 5th floor where she was staying, I gave him all my documents and went straight to detoxify and sanitize myself and put on the blue cap and face mask. I finished my black tea before entering her room. She was awake, and met her smile. When I walk towards her, there’s an unknown presence I sensed, that felt so familiar, like it was the same shadow when I was admitted due to dengue fever. I took a deep breath to hold back the tears and make sure she won’t see the worries from my eyes. I told her that we are about to move her. She nod with agreement. I kept staring at her in silence while she looked at me. When I felt her squeeze my index.
Days and months have passed since the last time that I had the courage to push through with my chosen path, my passion.. I won’t be able to bear the pain if I don’t do something about my grandmother’s health. It took me 72 hours to wait for the final result from the doctor to decide to pull the plug from my dream to deal with reality. I am now in a suite for battle, entering a room full of arsenals and the person that I need to save is my grandmother. All I can remember was how strongly she squeezed my finger before she closed her eyes this morning, which was the sign for us to be in a battle.” The fear went away and I knew that everything would be fine. It was a 4 hours surgery, they said it took me awhile, but I have to stay inside to observe and keep in check of everything, the last 2 hours I didn’t knew that my father became one of my nurses, 2 nurses felt dizzy, that my mother gave them a black tea that we used to drink. Those were the hours when I removed the acupuncture needles from her feet, arms and neck that I need to do three times this week. Her eyes opened before the anesthesia wore off. While wearing an oxygen mask, she smiled to look at me and went back to sleep. Her first surgery went well and I asked to stay in the hospital while I attend to my grandmother.
The time came when Nate had to fly back to Shanghai, China. He stayed for two weeks and at that point he promised to keep in touch every day as before. I told him that there’s still something that I need to think about before making the final decision if we should be together once again. He promised he’ll wait. As I left the airport, I couldn’t help the tears to flow while in a cab on my way back to the hospital. In my hear I know that it is still him.
After I changed to scrubs. I saw a familiar silhouette by the receiving area, he didn’t flew back to China. I walk towards him, and when he look back. He saw me. He hugged me tight before he checked in, and smiled when he told me that I was wearing the necklace and bracelet he gave. He said, he forgot to give me something. He handed me a small box and there are 3 pairs of stud earrings that I can wear everyday and it was from Nate. The following morning came, as she awaken I saw her smile at me and asked for water, when I looked back she was trying to get up from her bed but it was a bit difficult. I came to her with a glass of water, told her that it’ll be difficult and it is best for her not to move much. I helped her and guided her to the bathroom. Afterwards, she asked a help to walk a bit, if she can’t do her morning exercises the least she can do is pace around the room. I guided her, step by step and it seems she didn’t undergone any operations at all, when the door opened. It’s one of the nurses, with her breakfast. When she tasted the tea, she asked if I requested for the bitter melon tea. I said yes, that is what your oldest sister asked me to, it’s something that you need for your blood flow. After 10 days my grandmother was discharged from the hospital and I’m back on the path I chose. I felt complete, and more satisfying than running away from the situation that broke me. From that day-on, Nate and I had this non-friends serious talk about our relationship. The engagement started after I got out of the emergency room to do my grandmother’s surgery since we’ve known each other since birth. That even our flaws were fully accepted.
We were having our early morning tea when we saw my grandfather and he waved at him. Nate got up from where he sat and walked towards where my grandfather. I was seated beside my grandmother when she started to talk about her monk sibling. They always knew that she was different, she sees and feels things, the reason behind her seclusion. My grandmother never expected for her to take an airplane just to make sure to be in Shanghai in time and make room for atonement. She was a rebel and will always have that sliver of stubbornness in her when it comes to family. I was so saddened, knowing that I was only able to say “hi” and “goodby” to her. There’s always a chance, my grandmother said. I smiled and say ‘one day, I’ll be able to share to her my ‘somewhat a love story’
After a number of months, we didn’t get any mail from my grandmother. What we did is swing by the temple just to check how she is. She’s in one of the provincial buddhist temples, for atonement. It was part of their family’s belief, after recovering from a surgery. She has to stay for a year. And she was taught Tai Chi to strengthen her energy and body.
-The End- ☺️
♪(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)♪